The Internal Clock
When we can’t remember what happened in the past, we lose a “sense of time” or any expectation for the future. Even if the future is only a few minutes away.
A “sense of time” is formed by multiple memories which create an “internal clock
Most of us take our “inner clock” for granted, yet our daily schedule is regulated almost entirely by a “sense of time” created by memories.
We know what day it is because we know what happened yesterday. We know what time it is because we just woke up and know we’ll be leaving for work soon. When someone with Alzheimer’s or Dementia is unable to remember 
When you leave a person with Alzheimer’s or Dementia alone for an hour, they may believe you’ve been gone for days, weeks or even months because they don’t remember an hour ago, or a week ago or a month ago. Short-term memories from a recent past must be retained to have a “sense of timing” for what will happen next in the future.
When my Mom was in the nursing home
, I visited her daily. Yet, Mom would complain that she hadn’t seen me in a year. Because the last time she remembered seeing me was the year before, her “sense of time” told her I hadn’t been there since that visit.
She had no memory of the daily visits since that time a year ago. All of her recent memory was gone, destroyed by Alzheimer’s
. Since Alzheimer’s prevented the recording of new memories, Mom could only remember the visit from the previous year. Her “sense of time” was skewered. Her “internal clock” no longer working properly.
Missing short-term memories not only causes “loss of time” and the inability to read the hands on a clock
All scheduling is affected by a “sense of time;”
As the holidays near, I’m reminded of the last holiday season before my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The entire family was confounded by her odd, and seemingly rude, behavior on that special Holiday weekend. In hindsight, Mom’s “sense of time” was gone then, even before her diagnosis of Alzheimer’s several months later.
On that holiday, I was up early for the long drive to get Mom and bring her back to our house for the weekend. There would be grown Children, Grand-Children and Great-Grand-Children. The entire family was overjoyed that we’d all be together for this holiday, four generations. I had my digital camera ready to take photos and document 
The first surprise came when I arrived at Mom’s house. She was in her gown and pretended no knowledge of a holiday weekend at all. I was slightly furious as I packed her bag while Mom showered and got dressed.
Then I drove back to my house feeling hurt that she could have forgotten our planned celebration. Then, less than an hour after our arrival, while I was still trying to schedule baking times for cakes, pies, dressing and dinner rolls, Mom entered the kitchen and whispered in my ear.
“Can you take me home now?” “What?” I frowned, still tasting the bitterness I’d felt earlier because she hadn’t showered, dressed or packed for her visit to our home when she knew I’d be arriving early.
“What do you mean? Did you forget something?” I could only assume that she’d forgotten something and wanted me to make another trip across town to her house. She was shaking her head.
“No. I didn’t forget anything. I want you to take me home?”
“Mom,” I put my arm around her. “You’re staying here for the weekend. Remember? All the kids are here…the grand-kids…”
She looked puzzled. “Oh no, I can’t stay for the whole weekend. I’ve already been here too long. I want to go home now. I want you to take me home right now.” She began tugging my arm as she headed for the door.
“Mom…” I tried to pull away. “You just got here. You haven’t been here an hour yet.”
“Oh come on–” she gave me a hard jerk and headed to the door. “I’ve been here all day, I’m tired, I can’t leave my place empty, someone might break-in. I’m going home.”
Suddenly my gentle, little Mom was gruff and demanding. I didn’t know what else to do but obey. My husband gave my Mom a ride home and I cried myself to sleep that night because she had missed all the planned festivities.
I didn’t know my Mom had Alzheimer’s yet. I hadn’t been forced to make any decisions for my Adult parent yet. I hadn’t learned to question my Mom’s behavior or disagree
So know the symptoms of Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Educate yourself about what happens as it progresses and be prepared to cope with behaviors that your loved one has never shown before. And most of all, Learn to love them anyway because they have no knowledge or understanding of the unconscious changes that are happening to them.
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This post described exactly what I am going through with my Nana. She hates her kids(my dad and uncles) because she thinks she hasn’t seen them in months and they don’t ever come to see her. But in all actuality they took shifts coming over. It’s just one of those things that you have to go with the flow and just let them think what they want for the time being.
Alyssa, you are exactly right! You have a super attitude that is appropriate for this situation. You can’t change how they think, just let them know that you still love them. And–this will pass. My Mom’s additude changed constantly. They are so confused, it’s hard for them to believe what’s happening.
My brother use to call and say, “Why don’t you visit mom anymore. She says you never come to see her.” My only words to him were, “She told me that you didn’t come to visit.”
Of course, He visited on Sundays and I visited on Tuesdays. But Mom failed to remember either one of us.
Good job Alyssa, all the best,
~Sandyy
I’m wondering something. I wonder if a picture of you and your mom holding something like a flower arrangement would trigger a memory when she sees the flowers. Maybe print out the picture and put it by the flower vase?
Might be worth a shot.
That’s a great idea. I think it might trigger an old memory.
Sandy
Thank you Sandy, this time aspect is something that is too seldom spoken of.
Indeed, Truthfullkindness, I agree. I had no clue what was going on when my Mom began to carry around a baggie full of watches. She would play with them, shake them, and twist the winder to try and make them work. Until she asked me if I would trade my watch for hers, I didn’t have a clue that she could no longer read the hands on a clock.
To me, it’s helpful to know what they are thinking or how they feel. That makes all of us better caregivers, I think.
~Sandy
Hello,
I came by this website and I wanted to add a bit of information. I am a Brain Injury Counselor with a difference: I’ve been there (41+ years ago, I had a very serious brain Injury). I’d like to mention to you all a possible help for your loved ones with cognitive issues. It’s called PEAT (Planning and Execution Assistant and Trainer. This app works on an Android phone to help people with attention problems by cueing them (that’s the ‘Assistant’ part); and by training people to focus better (that’s the ‘Trainer’ part).
The website for PEAT is http://www.brainaid.com; phone: 888-224-PEAT (7328), Fax: 888-224-PEAT (7328). If you do contact them, tell them John Hatten sent you (we’ve been working together on PEAT since 1996).
John Hatten, MSEd., MRC
Brain Injury Focusing/Feeling/Functioning Counselor
“Let’s get to work!”
San Francisco, CA
http://www.hopebeyondtrauma.com
Twitter: @tenhatco
This sounds very promising! A wonderful idea for sure!
I can’t wait to hear more about this incredible app–
~Sandy
Thanks so much Sandy, and congratulations, you are one of the very few who haven’t been offended, and haven’t basically told me to get lost! Brilliant… and again, thank you for respecting many people with dementia who do object to being referred to as sufferers.
Whilst many in the media, and carers like to call people with dementia ‘sufferers’, most of us do not find that word respectful, empowering or positive in any way. Yes, dementia is a challenging condition, but we can live well with it. Many Alzhemer’s Associations and Societies have media language guidelines, and as far back as 2009, the word sufferer has been one word it is recommended is NOT used to refer to us. Alzheimer’s DIseasd International are currently working on guidelines, and they too recommend this word is not used. Whilst some people with dementia may feel okay about being referred to as sufferers, many do not, and therefore it is disrespectful to use it publicly. Dementia Alliance International, a group established by, anf exclusively for people with dementia, also recommend=s against using it. Yes, we are losing abilities, and it is a terminal illness in most cases, but the negative language and sad stories continue to undermine our ability to live as well as possible, for as long as possible. Kate
Hello Kate,
I have to say that I do appreciate your comment. I began this blog shortly after my Mom passed away with Alzheimer’s in 2008. In the beginning, I wrote about my feelings and all the sorrow and suffering our family had been through. And, you’re right, I never referred to my Mom as suffering. Mostly, we were coping and living and doing the best we could.
As I began to write in those early days, though, caution about the word “sufferer” just wasn’t exercised. I was overwhelmed and all that I felt and was learning simply spilled out onto the pages.
Now, when I find that word, I do delete or replace it with something more fitting. And I do apologize because you find it offensive. Forgive me and know that this word will be changed immediately.
Thank you for viewing my website and offering the critique. I appreciate it.
~Sandy
Thank youKate!
Kate Swaffer is so right — those with a dementia are not sufferers. Importantly, carers should not be described as sufferers either. A positivre attitude by a carer will be reflected in the person with the dementia. There are positives in all dementias — look for them. I have, even though I cared for my wife at home for nine years after she was diagnosed at age 57. Pat has been in care for five years (level 5)and she is blind from alzheimers — but we lead a positive life . . . she comes home for two days a fortnight overnight and I visit and feed her at least twice a week. And there’s the hydrotherapy (half an hour) for both of us twice a week . . . and music therapy and church services and outings etc, etc. Life is full and enjoyable!
Thanks for the post. I can fully relate to this story. Memory issues catch us off guard, and really do require a lot of patience.
My husband was recently diagnosed with early stage dementia. I have been frustrated to come home from workto find that he hasn’t give any thought to dinner. This evening I went to walk the dog and instead of coming in, I sat on the porch and fell asleep. When I finally went in the house 2 hours later he had no sense of how lon I had been gone. After I got over feeling hurt that he wasn’t concerned about my safety, it occured to me that he is losing his sense of time. This is such a blow. He is only 69 and I am only 53. This is going to be so hard. I would be grateful for advice.
Hello,
I understand how you feel. It is very disheartening when you feel like your loved one no longer cares for you. Believe me, his behavior is not intentional and I’m sure he loves you as much as ever. Many things change when someone has dementia because many things are happening within their brain.
Becoming their caregiver can be very difficult if your expectations stay the same or you hope to change them. Someone with Dementia or Alzheimer’s has little control over their behavior. Instead, it will be a learning process for you. As you accept his condition, it becomes easier to cope and you learn what to do and how to handle more situations. A lengthy learning process.
There are many good books that can help you learn to cope with this illness and understand what is happening to him. “The Alzheimer’s Answer Book,” is similar to a Dictionary. It isn’t a book that needs to be read from front to back, without skipping around. But, like a dictionary, when you have a question or issue with your husband’s behavior, you can search for an answer.
Another book that is exceptionally good in helping to understand behavioral issues is “Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s.” It explains how to enter your loved one’s Alzheimer’s World and make a connection with him. What to expect, and to Know what he can no longer do. When our expectations are within reality for the person with Alzheimer’s, we suffer fewer disappointments.
Another good support system for you would be a Private Group on FaceBook. Memory People! If you aren’t on Facebook, you might want to sign up. Then Search for “Memory People.” Click on JOIN GROUP, and you’ll be admitted. Memory People is a group for caregivers, loved ones of someone with Alzheimer’s, and those who have Alzheimer’s themself. In fact, your husband might like the comraderie of the group as well. They can answer many questions that you might have about the future.
Thank you for visiting our website. I hope you read a few of the articles here. We try to answer many questions that a recently diagnosed person may have.
My best wishes are with you,
Sandy