The Beginning of Alzheimer’s Disease
My mother was in her late 70’s when her second husband passed away. The time and photo of her, with my son, was 10 years before her diagnosis.
Her first marriage had not been a happy one but this second mating was perfect. Mom enjoyed a full and happy life for 15 years with her second husband, a kind and caring man. They traveled the East Coast, sights that were new and unique for my Mom; a west coast lady for all of her life after leaving Oklahoma as little more than a teen.
I hadn’t spent nearly as much time with her during the last few years of her life. My young children were growing up and becoming young adults
Mom was fortunate to have good health, a happy smile and youthful attitude well into her seventies. I only hoped I was lucky enough to inherit her good genes. Then, unexpectedly, her husband was gone– an infection after major surgery. And Mom was alone again.
She owned her own home, had a nice car, was in good health (never a drinker or smoker), and was as active as she’d ever been. I knew she’d be fine, only needing to brush-up on her rusty driving skills. All driving had been deferred to her new hubby for the past 15 years so Mom was skittish behind the wheel.
Driving for Mom was limited to a weekly trip to her favorite hair-dresser and quick “run-backs” to Safeway at the same shopping center, only a block away.
To break the monotony of her loneliness I invited Mom for an occasional weekend at our place. I’ll never forget a particular visit that left me puzzled about Mom’s behavior.
Mom loved shopping so on the second day of her visit, we woke early and spent a full day of shopping and lunch at the mall.
After lunch, Mom appeared to be a little tired and confused so we headed back to the car. As she stood near the passenger door, she inhaled deeply, held out her arms and said, “Take a deep breath. Isn’t this great. It’s funny how much better the air smells in Texas.”
I frowned. We lived in Arizona, we’d lived in Arizona for 35 years. The air could take your breath away in the summer alright, it was Hot and Dry and if you breathed too deeply you’d probably scorch your lungs.
“Right,” I agreed facetiously, “You can fry an egg on the sidewalk this time of year, Mom.”
Mom frowned, and asked, “You can? In Texas too? You can fry an egg on the sidewalk in Texas?”
Now, I was confused. I stashed our packages in the trunk and got Mom into the car. Something was wrong, I was certain of it. After getting her seated, I hurried to the driver’s side. I couldn’t imagine what might have happened but Mom was clearly confused. The thought of a stroke entered my mind.
“Mom…” I finally turned to her, “This is Arizona.”
She didn’t face me, but leaned back in the seat and a puzzled expression wrinkled her brow. “This is Arizona?“
Her eyes were confused when she turned toward me, searching my face for the sign of a grin. She thought I was teasing her. “We’re in Arizona?” She repeated the question as she looked out the window, clearly searching for something to help get her bearings.
I nodded. “Mom, do you have a headache, or anything?” I started the car while I watched her cautiously. “Yes, this is Arizona. We’ve lived here for 35 years. What made you think it was Texas
She rubbed her forehead and I could see the struggle as she accepted my words and brought her mind back to Arizona.
“My goodness,” she finally said. “I could have sworn we were in Texas.” She pointed out the window. “I think this mall is built exactly like the mall we use to visit in Texas. It confused me for a moment.” Then she laughed aloud.
I couldn’t help but laugh, too, once I knew that Mom was all right. “Nope, Mom, you’re in Arizona. We haven’t been in Texas in 35 years.”
That moment was a missed warning
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Living Your Best With Early-Stage Alzheimer’s: An Essential Guide
Come Back Early Today: A Memoir of Love, Alzheimer’s and JoyDeveloping Support Groups for Individuals with Early-Stage Alzheimer’sThe Alzheimer’s Answer: Reduce Your Risk and Keep Your Brain HealthyThe Alzheimer’s Action Plan: What You Need to Know–and need to DoIce Cream in the Cupboard: A True Story of Early Onset Alzheimer’s
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Hi. Im a newbie to the site. Its fabulous!! My mom is a hard study. Shes always had many of the characteristics shes exhibiting now. It just that now— shes got no filter most of the time. We lost the most loving caring human on this planet a year ago. He left us the day before their 73rd wedding anniversary!! Theyd been best buddies for almost 75 years. Hard to comprehend. My dad didnt have anything specific wrong. Just a bunch of things that I guess you acquire in 94 years of life. He was just very tired of being tired and unable to do the stuff he had always done. He complain about being” weak as a kitten” . Very hard for him. He was an incredibly handsome, tall 6ft1, mans man. And to get tired walking from the bedroom to his recliner was just very very hard for him to come to grips with.
I was sure that when he left us it woukd absolutely devastate my mom. It knocked the stuffing out of me. Couldnt fathom what it would do to her. She realizes that hes gone and in Heaven. But not one tear have I seen her shed. She doesnt talk about it. Thats the way shes always handled things. Like they didnt happen. She handles everything like that. Wont tell amybody if shes in pain. Wont tell anybody anything. Her worst fear for the past 10years or so, has been that anybody might think there is something wrong with her. Physically or otherwise.
I was sole caregiver to both of them for 6 years. Then it got to be too much. They became less ambulatory and Im not able to handle them. We have had caregiver 24/7 for about 3 years. Dad was always so grateful to them for everything they did for him. Mom not so much. Shes mean and nasty towards them. “Im gonna kill you”. “Excuse me, in case anybodys interested, this guys is trying to kill me”. And those little gems are the result of maybe trying to straighten her up in her chair. Shes very quiet most of the time. Sits in her recliner, pretending to read her Kindle. Up to about 6 months ago — her book was all she cared about. Now not so much. Her eyesight has been very very poor for a long time. Not sure if she was actually reading at all. Everybody thinks shes “out there” far far gone with dementia. No grasp on reality and her surroundings. Not so. She hears way better than she lets on. Its always been that way. Shes far more lucid than she appears. She just really has no desire to chit chat with most people. She never was one to chit chat anyway. Of course she is in the grips of some form of dimentia. She get very confused at the same time every day. Has some terrible nights where she doesnt sleep at all. Sees people in her room. Up until a week or so became very agitated on these nights. Yelling etc. Now, she just talks, not sure to who. Guessing my dad. But, after reading some of the posts on this site, I find that these night episodes arent realky uncommon. And that were doing the right stuff to keep her as comfortable with a feeling of safety. And we all just ride it out . Relieved to know that this isnt something specific to her. Its hard to really tell how much of her behavior is due to one of the horrible forms of dimentia. Or just her normal nasty little self. I think maybe they play off each other. Makes it very hard to distinguish the difference. But, my thinking is this: No matter how she acts. If she acts like she doesnt know someone when they come to visit. Then after they leave, feeling sad, say how nice it was for them to stop by. Regardless of any of her antics. Shes still my mom. And, when I come across a really hard day, I just feel like Im taking some time to be kind to a little old lady. Who cares if she doesor doesnt know me, depending on the day. Im doing a kindness to another human being. Ilove her with all my heart, but she is a real ahndful Or as she used to say, shes a pistol!
Thanks for listening. I apologize for rambling. And I so very much appreciate this site.!!
Teresa, I sure understand and apologize for being so slow with a response. Your words were filled with sadness but much love. I’ve spoken of my own journey in the past and this reminds me of all that my daughter is doing for me.
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I must tell you all, it took me an hour to figure out how to get into the blog so I could respond. I didn’t think I’d ever forget how to get here, but yes, I did this morning.
If you don’t get a response one day, don’t think I’m ignoring you.
Love you all, and thank you so much for staying with me through all these years.
Sandy
Very informative
My mum is 85 suffering from Dementia and Parkinson’s . It’s sad to see her going away like this . She would not open her mouth so Psg tube feeding was introduced.
Our thoughts are with you, Shehnaz. It is very sad when this disease reaches that stage.
All our blessings are with you and your Mum.
We’re glad you joined us.
~Sandy
The first symptoms I saw were in late 2011. My mom was living with me by then due to her mobility issues. We suffer from early onset osteoarthritis. I was diagnosed at 37. She in her mid 40s when I was about 11.
Her doctor was on vacation and the back up changed one of her medications from 10mgs twice a day to 20mgs once a day but did not tell her. I caught it and told her but she forgot and took them as usual. She was asleep most of the day, did not know what time it was and a few not her things. I chalked it up to the meds She was herself in the morning. That Christmas she insisted it was night when it was day. I started worrying but there were really no more incidents until she had that surgery in February 2013 after which she got progressively worse.
She went from stage. 2 to 4 between January 2013 and September 2013. Stage 4 was the worst (so far) mo, literally went crazy and to top it off she was violent. I was hoping and praying it was extreme depression with a psychotic element from being housebound but she was diagnosed with “Dementia of the Alzheimer’s type” by a fancy UCLA neurologist in July 2014. I, worried about what’s next. I’m convinced she is stage 5. I was hoping she epilepsy be medicated and come back home and would continue to see the fancy neurologist and participate in studies but instead she had a psychotic break, she was medicated and placed in a facility.
She seems happy. I see her every day but hey aphasia is getting worse. She seems to understand what I tell her but her replies make no sense. She knows me she has me call my uncle because she is “too dumb” to remember how to use the phone I tell her she’s not dumb she’s sick. She was so intelligent up until she was in her mid/late 70s. I’m not sure when it started. She was 78 in 2011 when I first noticed weirdness but I can’t really say when the memory stuff first started. I chalked it up to old age. So maybe 75?
Yes, I agree. With my Mom too.
The symptoms of Alzheimer’s seem to sneak up on us.
~Sandy
My first moment of realization was when my mother called me on the phone to ask if she was to pickup my daughter at school today…and today was Sunday! Or, was it the time she called at 8:15 at night in a frantic panic that she fell asleep and she’ll be right over to pick up my daughter to take her to school.
Marty,
That sounds so familiar. You really don’t get suspicious of Alzheimer’s until there are multiple little incidents like that. As I think back now, I’m surprised how many things I ignored as simple aging. No way! aging just isn’t the same thing at all.
Thanks for sharing, Marty
Sandy
Sandy, this brought a tear to my eye. I can only imagine how you must have felt that day, and now on looking back on it. I have never experienced this, but my Dad had gotten a bit “strange” in his last few years. Even though I lived in another state, I noticed little things that were odd with him. Before he passed away he was in a nursing home, and I didn’t get to see him but once while he was there. I could tell he was struggling with more than just his physical illness. It’s sad and I have great empathy for anyone watching their family go through this. When President Reagan announced his condition it hurt me through and through. Now it’s singer Glen Campbell. I wish they’d find a way to stop it or cure it. It hurts more than just the person experiencing the symptoms….it also hurts family members, and they lose the person before they’re actually gone. ((HUGS)) to you my friend. Well written.
Thank you Nancy. That is exactly what it’s like. You go through so much and cry so much, I was just numb at my Mom’s funeral. My brothers the same way, as though we were just cried out from the previous 7 years.
Now that it’s 6 years later, I’m beginning to remember more of her younger years as just ‘Mom’ and less of the Alzheimer’s years. It just wasn’t her.
Sandy
Excellent article. Thank you for sharing. – – Truthful L. Kindness, 56yo dementia patient
Thank you for visiting the site, Truthful Kindness.
Best Regards,
~Sandy