Early signs of Alzheimer's Archives

Early Signs of Alzheimer’s

When Mom’s second husband passed away, there were already early signs of Alzheimer’s that I did not see. She was in her late 70’s and I wasn’t sure how well she would cope with this tragedy. Her husband had been in good health, a slight asthmatic problem, but nothing more serious. When he suddenly collapsed after surgery, it was learned that he’d contracted an infection that held it’s own against all antibiotics. He was gone a few short days later.

Since their marriage 15 years earlier, Mom had depended on him heavily. Her marriage to my father had not ended as a happy one, so this last marriage had been a blessing. Her hubby was a take-charge guy and Mom’s lifestyle became just shy of blissful.

She quit driving with pleasure and allowed him to become their manager for finances, health care, insurance, and even doctor’s appointments. This husband handled everything except travel plans. Mom planned their numerous trips.

They traveled throughout the East and Midwestern states, where he had 10 children of his own. Three of his daughters flew-in during his final days in the hospital and stayed to accompany me to the funeral home to make the arrangements.

Mom was sad, but did not appear to be as devastated as I had thought she might be. When my father passed away years earlier, she had been uncontrollably anguished. Their marriage had not been a good one, yet it had lasted 40 years.

For this trip to the Funeral Home, she was dressed and ready to accompany us early the next morning. She handed me her checkbook with instructions to “pay it all, what ever the cost.” She did not want his children to know the cost or be responsible for any portion of the bill. Mom had adequate finances, and this was to be her burden alone.

We all entered the mortuary together, Mom, me and 3 half sisters. We were taken to a small room off to the side of the chapel and seated at a round table with blue binders in front of each blue upholstered chair.

A door to the side opened and another woman came forward with hand outstretched to greet and hug Mom as though they were nearest kinfolk. “I was so sorry to learn the news.” She patted Mom’s hand and continued to speak softly. As she consoled Mom, tears welled in her own eyes. I became uncomfortable, feeling as though I should know this woman, yet I didn’t. Another of Mom’s early signs of Alzheimer’s ignored.

“It’s just the saddest thing,” she spoke and shook her head back n forth at the same time. ” I can hardly believe it was only a year ago.”

I looked at Mom, seeking some sign of recognition. None. She sees this woman as much a stranger as I do. More early signs of Alzheimer’s that neither of us recognized.

“Last year?” I finally speak up? with a question. My curiosity has me leaning forward.

“Oh yes,” she’s nodding her head, then shaking it back and forth as she lowers her chin. “He was such a nice man. We just had the best time. Very comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. It doesn’t come easy for most of us. Making funeral arrangements is not something we want to do. It’s something we should do, but most people don’t. They leave it for their children.” She shrugged, and continued. “If you could give me a minute, I’ll find all the paper work. It’s a fairly recent pre-plan, so it won’t take long. The really old ones are the ones that are difficult to locate but as I said, they were in last year so… ” she offered a half smile and closed the door quietly behind her.

From what she was saying, I assumed that Mom and her husband had already visited the Funeral Home within the last year.

“Mom,” I asked curiously… “you were here last year? Do you remember her? She seems to know you.”

“No,” Mom was adamant, shaking her head back and forth. “I’ve never seen her before. I’m sure she’s mistaken. Maybe I look like someone else, mistaken identity or something. I don’t know her, and I certainly wasn’t in a funeral home last year.” Mom was clearly agitated now, twisting the little winder on her watch. She had a strange and fearful look in her eye as though reading her watch absolutely necessary right now!

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Timex Women’s Digital Watch

(Mom was more preoccupied with the time than what was happening in the moment.

Her watch was broken, I was certain. She had wound and unwound the small stem on her watch until it was surely broken. Yet, held to my ear, it ticked as it always had… “tick…tick…tick.”

Now she complained that it no longer worked, no longer told her the right time of day.

I often felt that I was as useless as that watch. Everything was confusing, a ticking clock that couldn’t tell time, a funeral home that had reservations for someone before they passed.

If it wasn’t so sad, I’d be laughing.

Frankly, I was confused and irritated. Only much later, when I finally knew that my mother had Alzheimer’s, did I learn that she could no longer read the hands on a clock. No longer recall things she’d done a year ago.

Another very common early sign of Alzheimer’s, yet I knew nothing about Alzheimer’s on that day.

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“Okay, okay. It will be fine, Mom.” I comforted her with an arm around her shoulder. “She’ll realize her mistake when she can’t find a file for you. I’m sure she has you confused with someone else.”

We sat around a long Mahogany table and flipped pages in a binder, viewing floral arrangements in various color, size and price range. It was only minutes before the woman in blue returned. This time she shifted the weight of much smaller black leather books.

“These are the arrangements you pre-approved,” she said as she slid a ne folder in front of each of us. I glanced at Mom first, before flipping the cover on this new binder. Mom’s face pinched in a grimace.

The front cover opened and introduced the arrangements made by Mom and her husband. All of the arrangements. The only thing missing was the dates of their death. I watched Mom as she squinted and frowned at the photo of their tombstone, the flowers with trailing stems, the sweet verse, their names and birth dates, all chosen more than a year before but totally unfamiliar to my mother.

The lady who had been a stranger said, “Remember how we pined over the correct verse to use. I really like it now. It does it still seem appropriate to you?” She smiled.

Mom shifted in her chair with a look of fright, then forced a smile and added, “Oh yes, that’s right. I do remember that.”

I wanted to shout! I could tell by the look in her eye, she remembered no such thing!

But I waited. When we got home I questioned and questioned her. My Mom and Her husband had pre-planned their entire funerals and pre-paid the entire bill only a year before. Yet, she hadn’t remembered a single thing about it, not even the lady who had worked with her through the arrangements.

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As I think back, it was more warning, more missed early signs of Alzheimer’s. It wasn’t the only incident that would have me confused and scratching my head. I could hardly speak as Mom denied ever being in the funeral home, then agreed that she had simply forgotten it. And there would be many many more confusing circumstances before I finally told the doctor about my mom’s memory problems.

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Early Onset Alzheimer Behavior

I ignored many of the signs of Early Onset Alzheimer Behavior with my Mom. I brushed off silly things Mom said and did and odd things she would tell my two brothers. I often thought it was a faze she was going through.

Some things, I realize now, were a clear warning of dementia or some other physical problem. But at the time, I saw them as sheer orneriness. And, my Mom could be onry if she set her mind to it.

It sounds inconsistent to say such a sweet lady as my mother could be onry, but she could. I think stubborn might be the better word, but in her later years that stubbornness became obstinate. So now I even wonder about those early days and signs and symptoms that I dismissed as stubbornness.

Should I have suspected sooner? Could Mom have taken medication earlier? Could I have done something to slow the progression of her early Alzheimer’s disease?

==> What did I miss? <==

We could all say and think the same thing, but we would be berating ourselves for naught.

Could I have been kinder when her behavior was atrocious and angry– or more receptive and loving when she wanted a hug. Certainly I could have but it would have made no difference to Mom, nor does whipping myself now change anything.

Changes in behavior is the hallmark symptom for Alzheimer’s disease whether your loved one is in their late 40’s or late 70’s. It isn’t always a big change in behavior but can be something as small as a hug.

Mom began hugging in her late 70’s, I mean hugging all the time and hugging hard. She had never been a hugger in the past and it gave me a little hitch in my stomach every time she hugged me. Something was wrong. Yet, how could I go to the doctor and say, there has to be something wrong with my MOM–she hugged me today.

On the other hand, the earlier the diagnosis, the sooner medications are prescribed to delay symptoms. It’s a catch-22 for sure.

I would never have considered a disease as culprit when Mom started hugging. Not then, or now. I only knew that my mother was different, somehow. I thought it might be senility due to her age, or loneliness because her husband had passed away. The changes in her personality weren’t particularly “good” or “bad.”

==> Mom was just different <==

Suddenly she was no longer my regular, good natured, Mom.

Growing up, I never heard my mother say a curse word. She didn’t curse and she didn’t allow her children to curse. She wasn’t a strict disciplinarian but she had rules and we obeyed.

Old fashioned as she was, she didn’t tell dirty jokes or speak evil of anyone. Likewise, she didn’t coddle nor hug her children. She remembered the depression of her youth and the difficult life her parents had endured to survive it. “All work and no play,” was the rule of their day and held true for my mother as well.

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==> My mom was not a hugger <==

Still, I knew she loved me and my two brothers. She was not over-affectionate or prone to hug and kiss her children or my father. To her way of thinking, you didn’t make a public display of affection, even in the privacy of your own home.

When Mom hugged me for the first time, me… a sixty-year-old grandmother myself, it was a death-grip. Like no hug I had ever had before, I recoiled. It felt so uncomfortable, so unnatural that I couldn’t stay in Mom’s grasp. Mom was breaking a rule that she’d adhered to for all of her life and demanded that we obey also. She was seventy-eight years old and she was hugging me so tight that it was uncomfortable.

Mom’s behavior changed in many ways. Over the next few years, in baby steps, inhibitions were forgotten, family rules were no more, soft-spoken became out-spoken and gentile became bawdy at times. The changes came slowly–over several years–one at a time.

I didn’t see them all at once, as a whole, as the beginning of a dreaded disease–not until after the diagnosis. Now, all those moments of change bring pause to my thoughts–remembering all the behavior changes that I ignored. If only we had begun treatment sooner, I scold myself–

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Alzheimer’s Disease is a slow, progressive disease that may run its course over 20 years near the end of a life span. In the beginning–symptoms are few and easily overlooked. Behaviors change gradually, but eventually, the person you knew is no longer there–

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DEMENTIA: Early Diagnosis Alzheimer’s: Dementia: Symptoms Caregiver’s Introduction to Dementia Early Onset Dementia