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Caregiver and Poet inspired by her father with dementia

11/07Leave a Comment

Caregiver and Poet inspired by her father with dementia

Author: Kelly DuMar’s is a caregiver and poet inspired by her father who has dementia. She is also kind enough to share her thoughts and feelings that inspire her with us.

In a striking poem recently published by Foliate Oak Literary Magazine, “Mystery Shopper in Memory Care,” Ms Dumar speaks about the confusion and dismay that can haunt a loved one with dementia when the present is so different than their memories of the past.

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Kelly says, “If you care for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, you’ve probably noticed his or her concern and confusion about money. Many of my poems are inspired by visiting my father in memory care assisted living, including “Mystery Shopper in Memory Care.”

My father is anxious about not having money on hand to pay for his meals – which seem to him to be served in a restaurant, or for his lodging, which seems to be in a sort of hotel.

His lifelong habit of providing for his family lingers in his consciousness as his cognitive powers decline. When my father lived independently he always made sure he had his wallet with him when we took him to doctor appointments so he could treat us for lunch at Panera, or pay for his own sundries at CVS.

Now, he doesn’t remember that for many months his money has been managed entirely by my sister. On a recent ride back to memory care from the doctor, when I stopped to buy us some treats, he was upset he didn’t have his wallet with him and couldn’t pay. I reassured him I had it covered. But I made sure to thank him for his spirit of generosity – and let him know I realize his desire to show his love through generosity is intact.

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Mystery Shopper in Memory Care

I forget what you came for. But I can’t pay you for it
because my wallet is no bigger than a breadbox. So
maybe you’ve seen it? See? Crumbs in my pockets
where there must have been crackers or coins and keys
to a castle. Maybe you’ve seen them? My money must
have slipped my mind into your bank account and I need
to make a deposit. Will you remind me what do I owe and
what I don’t own? Lots of things belong to anybody around
here, so it’s a cheap store for bargains. There are plenty of
rooms like this to go into. You can always find someone
to belong to.  But I have been missing who you are.

Copyright 2014 by Kelly DuMar

 

Author: Kelly DuMar is a playwright and poet who facilitates Writing Truth & Beauty workshops for creative writers. Her book, All These Cures, won the Lit House Press poetry award and was published this month by Lit House Press.  More about Kelly’s work can be found at kellydumar.com

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Filed Under: Guest Post, The Caregiver Tagged With: caregiver, Kelly Dumar, poet

My Mom My Hero – by Lisa Hirsch :Review

03/18Leave a Comment

MomHero My Mom My Hero – by Lisa Hirsch

As Lisa Hirsch’s mother, Ruthie, began the journey into Alzheimers, Lisa decided to pen thoughts and feelings in a spiral notebook.

Their relationship had often been ambivalent and Lisa thought writing about their issues could bring more comfort than arguing with her mother.

For many years before Alzheimer’s, Lisa had analyzed her Mom (Ruth’s) pithy comments and her own reactions.  Finally, after her mother’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, Lisa determined to write about her feelings, accept them, and create a better relationship with her mother in the future. Her spiral notebook soon became an online Blog.

http://mommyhero.blogspot.com/

Lisa shares her thoughts and hopes for a better future with her mother, along with ideas and coping mechanisms for those with Alzheimer’s. Her avid reader’s offer their own thoughts through comments on her blog. And finally, this text is brought to you through My Mom My Hero.

As a young child, Lisa had been favored by her  father but felt slighted by her mother as though something was missing. Her older brother had been born with a doting mother and grandmother while their father was off to War.

Having missed the arrival of his newborn son and the joy of a new baby in the house, Lisa’s father dispaired this loss. Then, five years later when Lisa was born, her father was ecstatic to tend and care for this new baby.

Lisa became the apple of her father’s eye. He adored her and became her champion, while her mother seemed to distance herself even more. For most of Lisa’s youth, she yearned for a close relationship with a loving, kind and nurturing mother. But it was not to be.

As an adult with husband and son, Lisa lived 1,000 miles from her Mother. Periodic visits between mother and daughter became little more than bearable. Still, Lisa yearned to change that. She wanted that warm and nurturing mother that she’d always dreamed about.

And then came the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s for her mother, Ruth. Lisa vowed to express love for her mother honestly and openly no matter what. She understood their relationship had been complicated in the past but Lisa wanted it to be different now and if that meant putting forth more effort, she would do it.

She made a committed effort to be there for her Mom! Lisa made certain they spoke on the phone everyday, sharing their lives despite the many miles that separated them. Over time, Lisa began to notice that as she opened up and shared more lovingly with her Mom, Ruthie reciprocated in the same loving manner.

Though separated by distance, they grew closer everyday.  And gradually, the small seeds of love and caring and sharing and kindness bloomed into a brand new relationship.

Although Alzheimer’s is a burden and Ruthie’s personality may shift occasionally, Ruthie and Lisa have become an inseparable mother – daughter duo. Their moments together can be fun with giggles and laughter or tearful with sandness and crying,  yet Lisa never leaves her mother without a feeling of gratitude and joy for their wonderful times together.

This book is a love story. A love story about a woman who opens her heart to her mother despite their rocky history, and finds love and peace. Lisa gives without thought of receiving, but she does receive.

Lisa and Ruthie share a new beginning and  a new closeness despite all the adversities of Alzheimer’s and dementia.  They have learned to make every day beautiful.

Author: Lisa Hirsch is a popular blogger with a worldwide audience. She had a long, successful career in the fashion industry and had numerous articles published in the US, the UK, and Canada . She lives in Manhattan with her husband and has one loving son. Her blog can be found at: www.MommyHero.blogspot.com

 

Filed Under: Books Reviewed, Recommended Reading Tagged With: Book Review, caregiver, My Mom my Hero

How to Manage the Well-Being of the Person with Alzheimer’s and Dementia

01/20Leave a Comment

safe-environment

 How to manage the well-being of a loved one with dementia

How to manage the well-being of someone with dementia can be a tall order.

Dementia is an umbrella term used to describe a range of symptoms that accompany a number of conditions that affect brain function.

Dementia symptoms may include problems with speech, perception, cognitive skills or personality. Alzheimer’s disease is only one of the many conditions that can cause symptoms of dementia.

Understanding and promoting proper care for someone with dementia is becoming a more prevalent concern for the healthcare community as the aging population grows. Managing a loved ones well-being includes many things.

Providing A Safe Environment

Family caregivers can ensure that the affected person has a comfortable and safe environment that allows him to function easily on an everyday basis. Measures such as ensuring that electrical cords and area rugs are safely secured can help prevent falls. Burns can be prevented by keeping water temperatures within a safe range. Lighters, matches and other fire hazards should be used only under the supervision of the caregiver. Liberal use of locks on cabinets, doors and hazardous areas of kitchen or garage can help to prevent accidents.

Regular Assessments
Part of the nature of dementia is its progressive nature. Symptoms may be very slight at the beginning of the condition and grow increasingly more severe over time. At first, only those familiar with the person may notice the deterioration of cognitive function. It is extremely important for the affected person to have regular assessments of his mental condition so that support services can be implemented for his safety and well-being.

Support for Family Caregivers
Usually, a spouse or child of the affected person takes on the duties of care, and this arrangement can often create the best environment for the affected person to make him feel comfortable and secure. However, other arrangements such as day care or respite care in a facility may be necessary to relieve the burden of caring for affected patients. These arrangements can often be a good choice for both patients as family members as the disease progresses.

Managing Physical Problems
Dementia patients experience not only mental problems but also increasing physical problems as their brain becomes affected by the condition. Proper pain management can be difficult to determine in these patients and can have a significant effect on their mental processes. Careful assessment and supervision of medications can help to provide the correct balance between relieving painful symptoms and ensuring that mental function is not affected.

Encouraging Individual Interests 
A Norwegian company is finding encouraging results with individually tailored activities for patients with dementia. They are learning that engaging patients in activities, both physical and mental, that are meaningful to them. These activities serve to hold off the depression and apathy that are common in dementia and slow down mental deterioration. The activities must be engaged in at least twice each week with frequent mental assessments of the patient. To relieve family members of some of the care of these patients, caregivers are matched with the patient to attend them while engaging in these enriching activities that help to increase function and improve well being.

Memory Care Facilities
As dementia progresses, the affected person may become too disabled for home care. A number of senior care companies provide residential memory care for people severely affected by dementia. Family members should research a number of facilities before choosing a care facility for the patient. References and visits to these facilities will allow family members to get a comprehensive look at proposed care for their loved one.

Author: Ryan Hughes writes about Health and Aging.

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Filed Under: Care Tips, communication Tagged With: caregiver, emotional and physical health, monitoring health

“Blue Hydrangeas” by Marianne Sciucco :book review

12/092 Comments

“Blue Hydrangeas” is a romance novel. A love story about Jack and Sara, a couple who shared their life for more than 45 years before Sara was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and for the last decade since.

Sara has forgotten many things as Alzheimer’s erases her memory, but she hasn’t forgotten Jack or Blue Hydrangeas.

blue-hydrangeasBlue Hydrangeas, is the name of their summer home on Cape Cod, once a flourishing Bed and Breakfast through lazy summer months. Now, Sara still prepares for those seasonal guests, cleaning and baking and wondering when the first visitors will arrive.

She searches the window hourly for favorite visitors from years gone by. Sara has forgotten that accept for the two of them, Sara and Jack, Blue Hydrangeas sits Silent and alone now–and in some disrepair.

Sara is happy, working and waiting, but Jack is torn. His feelings are a whirlwind spinning him dizzy.

He loves Sara more than anything and he wants to take care of her. Yet their son insists that Sara should be in a nursing home with professional care.

Their son, David, hates the thought of tearing Jack and Sara apart,  yet he can see no other way to solve their dilemma.

“Mom would be better off in a nursing home, Dad.” David struggles to make his father see-the-light. “And you need rest, yourself. What about your heart… dad?” David reminds Jack of his recent hospitalization for heart problems and dire warning to take care of himself, too. Frankly, David thinks his father accepts too little respite-care as it is.

Jack remembers his promise to Sara. He hasn’t forgotten that he gave a solemn oath to never leave her, nor lock her away simply because she is ill. Jack meant that vow and intends to keep it now despite any heart problems.

He has choices to make…decisions about Sara, himself and the Blue Hydrangeas . I’m certain you’ll enjoy this book and learning how Jack handles this situation as much as I did. Read more…

Author: Marianne Sciucco  Studied the craft of writing as an English major at the University of Massachusetts at Boston and worked for a time as a newspaper writer. She later became a nurse. In 2002, she put the two together and began writing stories about the intricate lives of people struggling with health and family issues. When not writing, she works as a campus nurse in a community college in New York’s Hudson Valley.  You will find Marianne at: MarianneSciucco.blogspot.com,  Facebook, Twitter, and Goodreads.

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Filed Under: Books Reviewed, Recommended Reading, The Caregiver Tagged With: bed and breakfast, Blue Hydrangeas, caregiver, dementia, love story, respite care, spouse

Book Review – “Untethered: A Caregiver’s Tale” ~ by Phyllis Peters

11/04Leave a Comment

Untethered-Phyllis Peters

“Untethered: A Caregiver’s Tale” : Review

As fiction, I was expecting a deep, dark story about the drama in the world of dementia and the sadness in the world of its caregivers. Instead, this novel comes from a happy (and sometimes hysterical) place where life is about living it with joy no matter your age or circumstance.

A delightful tale about the life of Tom Conklin, a middle-aged man who finds his own correct way whether it’s caregiver for a father who denies dementia or a new younger wife in search of “motherhood” for herself and, coincidentally,  “fatherhood” for Tom.

Along the way Tom finds his own path to coping with an anxious mom and fractured neighbor with his very own means of escape.

 

A pleasure to read, this Novel will leave you in a happy place for sure! Sandy

Available at :   “UNTETHERED: A Caregiver’s Tale”  

As you visit Phyllis’ website and BLOG, you will learn more about her as a person and hear of those who helped inspire this wonderful story. You will also learn that this book is a “gift of love,” from Phyllis, with proceeds going to the Fight Against Alzheimer’s.

 

Phyllis-Peters

About The Author ~ Phyllis Peters is an author and educator who holds degrees in music, literature, and education. Daughter of a writer and newspaper editor, she has always been in love with the word. Her fiction and nonfiction have appeared in online publications, magazines, and literary journals such as The Pinch, The Ampersand Review, and Munich Found. Phyllis’ website is: http://www.untetheredcaregiver.com

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Filed Under: Books Reviewed, Recommended Reading Tagged With: caregiver, coping, dementia, father

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