Self Recognition with dementia and Mom’s Mirror Image Collide
I hadn’t even realized that Mom was losing her own self recognition with dementia. My Mom often remarked that she was frightened by the “Old Woman” who constantly followed her but I had no idea who that woman might be.
For a long time, I thought it was an hallucination
I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to say. My Mom no longer recognized her own reflection. I put my arms around her in the only comfort I knew to offer, and told her that I would be sure the old woman never hurt her.
“She was only trying to make friends with you,” I explained. Those words soothed Mom for the moment and that became my constant response to Mom’s fear of the old woman who followed her. It worked!
No matter how silly it may seem, if it works–do it! Sometimes we only need to accept their fears, and find a resolution. We may never know how they’re really feeling.
I must add. Now that I’m in early Alzheimer’s myself, I watch my daughter repeating the things I told Mom. I’m so happy she was watching those years ago.
By late stage Alzheimer’s, my Mom’s eyes seemed fearful and worried most of the time, as though suddenly unsure of herself and the world around her.
As holidays near, it reminds me of her great discomfort in crowds or large groups. Please keep your loved ones feelings in-mind if planning parties or reunions or large get-togethers.
By middle stage Alzheimer’s, the patient is totally guarded and uneasy in large crowds with lots of chatter around them. It seems that the words come quicker than they are able to decipher and it leaves their mind in a twirl of confusion.
Keep your loved one in-mind as you plan the holiday festivities!
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Laraine says
09/23 at 8:59 pmMy husband does not recognize himself in the mirror… He nods at me to show me “the guy” is there. I told him it was himself to which he howled laughing… Whenever we go someplace that has a mirror he nods at me to check out “the guy” I said did you tell him we’re coming here he says no I said I’d like to know how he figures out where we’re going to be my husband shrugs his shoulders.
I asked is she with him he says yeah, she is me. I asked him are they here all the time he says yeah. I said well that’s not fair it says sharing the apartment they should be paying half the rent the PSW chimes in and says if they’re going to pay your rent they can help me pay my mortgage so we all joined in and have a good chat about these other people that are sharing our home.
It’s easier to pick your battles, good luck everyone, may your God bless you and yours give you peace of heart and peace of mind.
Linda Vecchio says
08/28 at 3:37 pmMy 91 year old mom is in the final stage of Alzheimers now. I remember back a few years ago she would look in the mirror and say…That’s my grandmother. I just smiled and said you are lucky to still be able to see your grandmother. She said “yes I am”
Sandysgingham says
04/23 at 10:46 amWhat a wonderful thing to let her know. You are a loving daughter for sure. I share these things with my daughter every day. That’s exactly how I’d like to be treated as my Alzheimer’s increases.
Thank you for sharing,
Sandy
Kathy Temme says
08/28 at 11:25 amWhere did you get this photo? This is my Mother.
@thinkdementiauk says
08/08 at 1:31 amI recognise the points here from my time with my mum. So much changed but yes there were things to laugh about and aspects of mum’s newly vulnerable softer self to cherish. I was glad to be able to reassure her, love her like a mum would love a child. My mum had always seemed so in charge and our role reversal allowed me into the relationship a bit more. It’s true there are tragic losses in the capabilities and much to be sad about but one of the key things I emphasise when I’m talking to others about dementia is that there is a new side to love. All the best to you Susan and dad and thanks Sandy for the interesting article.
by Sandy Spencer says
08/08 at 6:39 amThank you! for allowing us to share the good times with your Mum. I did notice that with my Mom also. She wasn’t the boss anymore but a softer more lovable person who wanted me to lead her. And you are certainly right, it did allow for a brand new relationship. An enjoyable one, too.
~Sandy
Kathy Temme says
08/28 at 7:56 amThis woman in this phot looks exactly like my Mother who
Passed this year.
Susan says
05/02 at 5:30 pmMy 74-year old father has mid-stage Alzheimer’s. It is truly heart breaking to see my once brilliant and talkative father evolve into a forgetful, fearful, and quiet person. Last week when I ate dinner with him; I randomly asked him which fruits does he enjoy eating these days. To my surprise, he could not recall the names of any fruit! So I drew pictures of fruits and asked Dad to name them. Sadly, he could only name 7 of the 16 different fruits I drew.
I pray to God everyday to heal my Dad.
~ Sandy says
05/02 at 6:00 pmI certainly understand. It is very sad to see a beloved parent change so much. Actually, the change you see is not them but the disease. The best you can do is to love them as they are each day.
I remember being disappointed over things Mom couldn’t do, only to have her doing new things that she hadn’t done before. My Mom had always been kind and generous but not one to show much emotion. As her Alzheimer’s progressed, she became Miss Lovey-Dovey. Actually, it was quite nice to have her hug and kiss us as she had never done when we were younger. The inhibitions and behavior changes that Alzheimer’s brings aren’t always bad.
You just love them for who they are each day as they have few choices with Alzheimer’s in control.
I wish the best for you and your Dad. Enjoy him, he sounds like a very sweet man. He’s fortunate to have such a caring daughter.
Sandy