Tips to caring for someone with dementia including positive activities

Mom and Me and Solitaire – How Long is Short Term Memory anyway

How Long is Short Term Memory

While my Mom still lived in her own home, except for weekends spent with us, I had a plan.

I knew Mom had short term memory issues but had no idea of the limits or how long short-term memory lasts. Just how far back did her memory go?

She knew who I was. She knew my brothers. Sure, occasionally she forget where she’d been the day before, but her memory wasn’t that bad. Not yet, I thought. She could still live alone as long as I checked on her every day.

Mom never wanted to see a nursing home, she’d said, and I would never have the heart to force her. Secretly, I was hoping she’d never get that bad. For now we were handling issues as they arose. And this weekend with us would actually be an experiment. We had added a few days and extended Mom’s weekend “sleep-over” to a 2 week stint. We were trying to prepare her gently for the day she would come to live with us permanently.

Hubby and my Mom always got along, no friction there. He is a Texas boy and loved nothing better than a vegetable garden. Mom was an Oklahoma girl and thought growing tomatoes was about as happy as one could get.

So I began to plan for the day when Mom moved in with all her belongings. Mom loved Solitaire and I had a home-based business which consisted of many hours of computer-time. Generally, Hubby and I sat side by side on networked computers, which I thought would suit my plan for Mom and me just fine.

When Mom arrived for her extended weekend visit, I decided to give my plan for her future “memory-care” a test drive.

I sat in front of my wide-screen Dell, while Mom grinned in front of the older, smaller HP like she was ready to test drive a new Cadillac. It was her first time on a computer and she was excited.

Mom would never be computer literate, I knew that. But she was smart, a quick learner and she’d retired from an electronics firm 15 years earlier. How hard could it be to teach her to point and click?

Mom loved card games. Evenings as a child found Mom’s family gathered around the wood table grandpa built for long games of Canasta, Gin Rummy or Pitch. When I was a child I begged her to teach me how to play that game with cards laid down in rows of seven.

Mom played Solitaire. She loved Solitaire and knew 15 ways to play it. Now, she was about to learn Computer Solitaire. Old memories die hard, I was hoping proved true in this case.

Mom smiled at me, then turned to face the screen in front of her, colorful cards blinking. Her eyes were as bright and blue as they’d ever been and I could see the excitement as she waited for intstructions. No sign of aging or the weakness that affected her brain. Her hair was still blond (though she’d long forgotten that it had always come from a bottle) and a fresh perm curled it gently around her face.

I watched her mouth drop open first, then her eyes widened before she exclaimed, “That’s Solitaire!” with a gentle finger touching the screen. “Oh my goodness, maybe I like computers after all,” she was giggling.

I was thrilled. My plan was going to work. I knew it would. She could play solitaire — and I could do my work, side by side, without incident. No Nursing Home for MY Mother! Her short-term memory was still intact. She recognized the faces, the cards, the game–even while framed on a foreign screen.

I placed her hand over the mouse, did a quick rundown of instructions and let her try it on her own. She used the drag and drop perfectly, picked it up like a pro. I was so thrilled I could squeal, while Mom and I were both giggling. I had tried previously to measure her short-term memory loss, but was never certain how long it lasted. Previously, she’d forgotten my words in mere seconds. But this seemed different somehow. “You should have told me computers were this much fun. I would have bought one a long time ago.” Mom said through pleasant laughter.

That had created a slight bolt of contention between us at one time. I had begged Mom to buy a computer for years, to stay in touch with her grandchildren and relatives back east, to play card games when she was bored, and to join message boards for the elderly or retired which I knew she would love. Especially now, post Alzheimer’s, I thought the computer idea might have helped retain more of her short term memory, the first thing to go when it comes to Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Mom had always been the friendly, greeter-type person. She’d never leave anyone in the corner alone but urge them into the fray. A people person, for sure! I laughed. It was joyful to see her having so much fun. She’d been more than a little depressed lately at her lapses of memory.

“I told you,” I said. “I knew you’d enjoy the Solitaire game for sure.”

Mom was loving this, without looking away once, she had moved many of the cards around the screen and almost beat computer Solitaire! We were both laughing at her new found dexterity with a computer mouse! Plus, I had been right all along. We could spend many happy hours after she came to live with me sitting side by side at the computers.

I thought of all the places and things I could show her on the computer, and could only imagine all the hours she would spend exploring an entirely new world for her. I was so glad I had planned ahead, thought of ways we could both occupy our time when she came to live with us permanently.

Mom stopped for a moment and turned her chair to face me. “What are you doing?” she wanted to know.

I explained about my job and the work I processed on the screen. She scooted closer and listened intently, nodding and bobbing her blond curls. I was beside myself with pleasure. Mom had never taken much interest in my home-based business, so my plan was already bringing additional benefits I hadn’t foreseen. She was really interested in what I was doing…

Then, suddenly Mom squealed loudly! and I jumped out of my congratulatory reverie about my super-duper plan. “What?” I turned to her, puzzled.

Mom was bouncing up and down in her chair like a five year old child, pointing at the computer screen, she could hardly speak. Her face filled with the glee and delight of a little child and a new toy. “Look at this…look at this…” She was pointing at the screen, shaking my arm, and breathless she exclaimed, “Just lookie here –I have solitaire on my screen! How did that get there? Can you teach me how to play it?”

My jaw dropped as I suddenly realized …………….I needed a new plan.

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Playing Cards make a great activity for the Alzheimer’s Patient. Though they are no longer able to remember “rules of play” for card games, they often remember how to count and like the pleasure of shuffling and sorting and stacking cards in numerical order.

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7 The Seventh and The Last Stage of Alzheimer’s dementia

05/1543 Comments

The Last Stage of Alzheimer’s

If you’ve read the 7 Stages of Alzheimers, you realize there are obvious degrees of decline through this disease. Sometimes the decline is exhilarated by a hospital stay, a surgery, a particular medication, anything out of the ordinary. But the normal progression of this disease is to the last stage of Alzheimer’s or, Stage Seven.

Then there is a total disconnect between brain and body. The patient takes to there bed and is unable to function in any way, as though regressed to the stage of a newborn baby without thought to eat or fend for themselves at all. One of Mom’s physicians told me that the memory unwinds in exact reverse to how it was recorded. The newest memories disappear first and then it works it’s way backward.

I certainly saw this in my Mom’s case. She forgot her second husband who had only passed away a few years before. I didn’t even realize it until she was flipping through a photo album and found a picture of the two of them. I was so stunned when she pointed him out and asked me, “Who is this man?” Then she forgot all of his children and grandchildren and that part of her life was gone before she began to forget her natural grandchildren, forgetting the ones whom she hadn’t seen in awhile first. The old saying: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” does not hold true with Alzheimers. They always forget the ones who have been absent in their life first. They might remember their name, but if they see them, they don’t know who they are.

Eventually, Mom knew my name, Sandy. When I came to the “Group Home” where she lived, she was happy to see me as the nice lady who visited her, but she had no concept of what the word “daughter” meant. No sooner would I arrive home than my phone would ring with Mom on the line, demanding to speak with her “daughter,” cursing me and complaining that I had abandoned her because I never came to visit. Those incidents are very disturbing and most unbearable for the caregiver and family member. And so it goes– backward through their memories as all memory slowly disappears and they have nothing but confusion before they are finally bedridden, sometimes unable to walk or feed themselves.

Many Alzheimers patients never see this late stage, the end stage of Alzheimers or Dementia. Usually quite elderly by the time this stage is reached, often, other physical symptoms or disease may occur and end their life before Alzheimers takes its toll. Until then, the mind unwinds just as it was wound in the growing years (the most current memories disappearing first and a large eraser working its way backwards through the history of their life. There are no more current events. By the Sixth Stage, no matter what we discussed or where we went or who came to visit her, in the blink of an eye…it never happened.

My mom did not progress to the Seventh Stage but became ill with another disease and passed away during her Sixth Stage of Alzheimers. It was almost a relief to know that she would suffer no more of Alzheimers Indignities.

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Alzheimer’s Diet Chicken Soup Heated Throw Wheel Rollator Relaxing Classical Non Slip Skid Night Light Sensor Depend Underwear

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One-Minute Mysteries and Brain Teasers for Brain Exercise

05/13Leave a Comment

BRAIN TEASERS

These Brain Teasers are good exercise for the BRAIN

If your loved one with Alzheimer’s dementia is unable to do them with you, I bet they will enjoy watching everyone else play the games.

My Mom use to love it when my son and husband played cards. She didn’t remember how to play but she would pull her chair right up beside them and giggle the whole time they played. She loved hearing and watching them, and becoming part of the play!

It has become common knowledge that Exercising our brain with word games, card games, computer use, and fun family activities such as the Nintendo Wii or Lumosity can actually delay any symptoms of dementia and keep our brains working better–longer. A busy active brain may be a healthier brain!

Some of the Mysteries and Brain Teasers in a few of these books will be more intense than a person with Alzheimer’s would be able to do. They shouldn’t be encouraged to do anything that takes them to the brink of frustration.

They can become easily frustrated if offered activities that they are unable to complete such as pushing buttons on a telephone. If doing a beading project, limit the number of beads available. If they are doing a painting project, limit the variety of paints so that their choices are smaller. Fewer choices, mean less frustration for the person with Alzheimer’s.

If they can’t play the game you want to play, offer them a coloring book or 35 piece Jigsaw puzzle. And be as interested in their game as you are your own. Everyone will have fun and learn something too. Don’t forget Ladies love baby dolls at every age. And grown Men love puppy dogs too.

Long Absence may Erase You from the Memory of someone with Alzheimers dementia

05/103 Comments

A Long Absence may erase you from Memory

I first began to notice odd behavior in the year before Mom’s second husband passed away. It was nothing outrageous or ominous that pointed to Alzheimers, but Mom seemed to be forgetting folks she hadn’t seen in a few years. I took note, assessed it as a sign of aging and allowed the moment to pass. And I wasn’t reminded of those moments again until years later.

Back then, Mom and her hubby lived in an adult community kept busy by a flurry of activities. A coffee cliché every Tuesday, a pot-luck dinner on Friday nights, plenty of swim parties and other recreation as the population flourished through the winter months. During the summer, many of the homes sat empty, awaiting the arrival of the next winter’s “snowbirds.”

Snowbirds are a flock of Easterners who migrate to the Western states in the fall and stay till spring, abandoning winter months in their home-state for the sunshine of the West. Mom’s small community had many “regulars,” some had returned for a decade of winters. The regular residents could hardly wait for the snowbirds arrival each spring, when the enthusiasm of the community was back in full swing. Most had been friends for many years.

I arrived at mom’s one morning to find Mom and Dottie sunning on the front deck. Dottie was a widow about the same age as mom and a snowbird who lived in Wisconsin and wintered in Arizona for as long as mom had lived there.

Dottie’s home sat next door to Mom’s, and mom took pleasure in tending Dottie’s yard and garden while Dottie was back East in the fall.

Mom would miss Dottie dearly every spring when Dottie flew home to her own family and wait eagerly for her return in the fall. Both widows now, they were inseparable through the winter months.

“What are you pretty ladies doing this morning?” I asked as I sat down between them on an early morning visit to see Mom. “Are you glad to be back, Dottie?” Dottie had only arrived the day before.

“Mom sure misses you,” I told her. Dottie smiled and Mom frowned at me like my hair was on fire. I frowned right back.

“I miss your mom too,” Dottie reached over and squeezed Mom’s hand as she stood and excused herself. “I still have to unpack. I’ll see you gals later.” She smiled, waved and headed next door.

“What was that about?” I asked Mom.

“What?” she pretended to misunderstand.

“That “look” you gave me when I told Dottie you missed her every year. You do miss her, don’t you?”

Mom frowned and leaned forward, speaking for my ears only. “I hardly know that woman and she’s been sitting here for 2 hours. I ran out of things to say…”

I was so astounded by what she’d said, I didn’t know quite how to respond. I stayed silent instead but Mom’s words rang in my ears all the way home.

It was one of those moments in time when you can only scratch your head and say “what just happened?” I was haunted by this little, insignificant incident long after I went home and for weeks to come. I never truly understood what happened that day until many years later when Mom was finally diagnosed with Alzheimers.

Then I finally understood that the many months Dottie had been away had darkened Mom’s memory of her. And as Alzheimer’s advanced, I noticed those same lights went out for many of Mom’s immediate friends and family members. I also noticed a direct correlation between her memory and how recently she had spent time with each person.

In the case of Alzheimers, “Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, but a long absence can erase you from their memory entirely.” Stay in touch with your loved one who has dementia. Prolong your memory in their mind for as long as you can.

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If a loved one or family member lives faraway – Digital photo frames are a great way to keep yourself fresh in their mind! A great gift idea for those with memory problems or early dementia–

Mom complained for weeks about my taking her car away. When I finally removed the Photo of her car from her dresser, she finally began to forget the darn thing….

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NIX 12 inch Hi-Res Digital Photo Frame with Motion Sensor & 4GB Memory – X12C ViewSonic 8-Inch Digital Photo Frame (VFD820-70)HP HP-DF1010P1 10-Inch Digital Picture Frames (Espresso Brown)Micca M1503Z 15-Inch Koolertron Portable 13.3 Inch Multi Function Micca M808z 8-Inch 800×600

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How to take the Car Away from an Elderly Parent with Alzheimers dementia

05/019 Comments

How to take the car away from an Elderly Parent with Alzheimer’s dementia?

One of the most difficult things to do is to take the car away from an elderly parent who has Alzheimer’s dementia.

Not long after dementia begins, the cognitive ability to drive begins to wane.

By Stage 3, most people with Alzheimer’s or Dementia can no longer meet the standards to be in-control of an automobile. With dementia behind the wheel, an automobile becomes three-thousand pounds of metal jetting down a highway. Once dementia is noted, Little time goes by without an horrible accident because family members were too afraid to take away a persons car or drivers license. Yet– It must be done.

And it happens at the most inopportune moment in the process of their illness. The caregiver who is usually an adult child, struggling to learn how to “parent their parent” becomes the “bad guy” who must steal their car away.

While you’re still learning to “parent” your own parent, they enter the stage of full-fledged denial.

They no longer believe or even know the meaning of Alzheimer’s.
If they don’t remember something you ask about the past, they are quite likely to invent their own history.
Similar to dealing with a capricious child. There is no animosity involved, they simply invent what you want to hear because they don’t remember what the truth of the matter really is.

So any reassurances from them about how well they drive, and how much they need their car, and how others have praised their driving, should not weigh heavy on your conscience or decision-making to remove their car.

Remember! What they tell you about their abilities behind the wheel are probably NOT the truth.

I thought I was very inventive when I slipped Mom’s driver’s license out of her wallet without her knowing. The next time she intended to drive, I told her she couldn’t because she had lost her license. “You always need a license to drive,” I told her, in an appeal to her strong sense of obedience to the law.

Without skipping a beat, Mom looked at me and said, “Well, you do know, the head of Motor Vehicles (at the state Capitol) is an old friend of mine. I’ve known him for many many years and because I’ve been driving for more than 60 years and never had an accident, he said that I no longer need a valid driver’s license. I can drive without one from now on.. anytime I want.”

What! I almost burst out laughing– How could she concoct such a foolish story on such short notice. Believe me…..she got much better at that too!

Mom had been a good driver. But she also had 3 car accidents in her later years. And–NO, she never met nor knew a single person at the DMV. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing out-loud at this new story. But Mom was straight-faced and dead-serious!

Finally, I acquiesced. “I’ll call him tomorrow, just to be sure that it’s still all right for you to drive.”

Never argue with someone who has Alzheimer’s! Change the subject, delay the argument, postpone what ever they want to do until tomorrow–but don’t argue. No one wins in these battles and the person with Alzheimer’s can be quick with a temper if you push them.

Mom smiled like a Cheshire cat, thinking she’d still have wheels for a little longer–and promptly forgot that she needed to drive the car at all that day.

In fact, we had this exact conversation almost every day for months. Mom wanted to drive / she lost her license / her “friend” at the DMV said she could drive anyway /I will call her tomorrow —

It always amazed me that Mom could not remember she had Alzheimer’s, or any memory problem for that matter. She couldn’t remember grandchildren, nor great-grandchildren. She couldn’t remember we had the same conversation about her drivers license 20 times today– but she always remembered that she knew the official at the State Capitol, which was a total fantasy of her own imagination. And I don’t think she ever forgot her car.

She would tell and re-tell memories that she had invented, while she lost more and more of the memories that she had actually lived.

I was able to postpone actually taking her car for several months while we circled round and round the pretend story about her friend at the Department of Motor Vehicles. But eventually, she began sneaking the car anyway–driver license or not! And my brother took her car away to a safer place. Which she NEVER forgot, I might add, till her very last days.

We did suffer many accusations. ‘I stole her car to give it to my daughter.’ Or, ‘ my brother stole her car to sell it for money.’ Actually, her car sat in a driveway, covered and idle for the rest of it’s days but Mom never believed the truth.

It is painful when the Alzheimer sufferer accuses you falsely. Most of us shed a tear while we take Mom’s car away but know that it must be done. I tried to keep in mind all the losses she’d suffered through the stages of this disease and be gentle in response to her pleas. But, I reminded myself also, that I had to ‘parent’ my parent now. Mom would never have allowed me to drive a car if I was a danger to myself and others.

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Brain Puzzles for Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s & Stroke Patients Chicken Soup for the Soul: Living Still Alice————————————————