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Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfulness

03/071 Comment

“Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfulness – common sense caregiving”

Review by: Sandy

Generally, when I’m reviewing a book for this site it’s either an Instruction Manual for dealing with the Alzheimer’s patient from Diagnosis to Stage 6.

Or, a Question and Answer dialog where you need only search the ‘contents page’ to find the answer for your loved one’s weird behavior for the day.

As a caregiver for my own Mom with Alzheimer’s for several years, I’ve referred to books from both categories.

A chapter or two to learn how to take her car away. A quick scan through the contents page to find how to handle a crying spell at bed-time, or why she’s suddenly become stubborn as a mule.

As I read “Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfulness” I realized it was different, not only because Gary has “been there, done that” but he had a plan that worked. Gary Leblanc offers sound guidance and solid support for other caregivers, like himself, who have parented a parent with Alzheimer’s.

I found myself nodding and agreeing and enjoying the “telling,” as much as the information imparted. Gary has a knack for “telling it like it is!” He recognizes the complexity and difficulty of being a caregiver as well as the humility and love required to follow through over the long haul, and he’s not shamed by it.

When caring for someone who is suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia, be prepared to face hardships unlike anything you have encountered before. Unfortunately, not everyone who attempts caregiving will be successful.

Yet, there’s no shame in admitting defeat or the need for help. This ordeal is unequal to any other and if you find that you’re suddenly unable to carry out this crusade, please don’t go through the rest of your life inflamed with guilt. This is definitely not what your loved one would have wished upon you.

Gary breaks down the characteristics needed to be a caregiver into five categories, and projects that you’ll survive if you embrace these qualities. I tend to agree. I don’t think I realized them as necessary when I began caring for my Mom, but know now that they sustained me through her long battle of Alzheimer’s and my own battle with care-giving and it’s after affects.

Don’t worry. These aren’t qualities made for saints only but rather through Gary’s guidance and advice you’ll learn they are qualities that you have within yourself whether you know it or not.

Besides the characteristics that make life easier Gary also has a plan, a routine for caregiving. His plan was formed from necessity and refined through practice. In few words Gary announces his plan with–“Keep it Simple.”

At the very top of the list is routine–a steady, run-of-the-mill lifestyle. In fact, routine is probably whole-some for everybody. It might be boring at times, but if you lack short-term memory, it will be your greatest friend. A habitual life will ease most anxiety and frustration. For instance, I tried to serve Dad’s breakfast and dinner at the same time every day; I even used a particular place for his pills every morning and evening. When I did not, we had a problem. “These aren’t the pills I took yesterday.” Every day I arranged his silverware in a consistent pattern. Pasta or other food that didn’t require a knife still had one placed next to it.

The same rules applied to clothing. There was no reason for too many choices. Three or four outfits kept thing uncomplicated.

A casual trip to the doctor left Dad confused for days. (Left him with a million questions, out of sync the next day, waking hours even affected.) It might sound minor but any breaks in the routine could bring mayhem and snowball.

I learned this was true for my Mom as well. A simple routine was the best routine and produced the calmest home and easiest life for Mom and me.

Gary has written a compelling book about Alzheimer’s and Caregiving, exploring every facet of the caregivers struggle to love despite the horrible stresses that come with the job and then forgive themselves for the unwarranted guilt they feel when their labor is finished and they feel totally inadequate.

Gary relates to the reader, as only another Caregiver can, all that occurs through the process of caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s from the diagnosis through all the stages of often bizarre behavior and finally the very devastating loss of their passing.

When Gary’s father was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, he read and researched everything he could get his hands on about the disease. Right off the bat he could tell whether it had been written by a physician, pharmaceutical company or even a nursing home.

Gary knew when Caregivers are looking for help, the last thing they need is a medical text so difficult to read that they’ve forgotten what they read by the time they put the book down.

Gary’s goal was to write a book that was as “caregiver friendly” as possible. Sharing his triumphs and hardships from a three-thousand + day campaign in dealing with the disease of Alzheimer’s and the world of memory-impairment.

I think Gary has met this goal!

Author: Gary Joseph LeBlanc is a columnist, author, advocate speaker and book dealer from Spring Hill, Florida. Gary can be found at: http://www.commonsensecaregiving.com/. On Facebook at Gary Joseph LeBlanc and Twitter @GaryJoeLeBlanc

Staying Afloat in a Sea of ForgetfulnessMore infoManaging Alzheimer’s and Dementia Behaviors: Common Sense CaregivingMore info

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Filed Under: Activities, Books Reviewed, Care Tips, Caring for the Caregiver, communication, Faces of Alzheimer's, Guest Post Tagged With: Alzheimer's, caregiver, caregiving, father, gary leblanc

Another Mother’s Day without Mom

05/082 Comments

Happy Mother's DayAnother Mother’s Day

Without Mom

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[“Another Mother’s Day” was written several years ago, but I can’t say it any better today. I still miss my Mom, and  especially so on Mother’s Day. I thought you might enjoy this one again. Thank you to all our readers and Happy Mother’s Day to every Mom… Sandy]

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My mom’s battle with Alzheimer’s ended in 2007, she passed away shortly after Mother’s Day that year and a month shy of her 82nd birthday. So every year since then, from May to July–I think about my Mom… and sometimes wish I had been more like her.

My Mom was 5’2,” a petite blonde whose pale complexion glowed with happiness. Her personality was bubbly, a true “people person” with many friends.

Standing in barefeet, I’m 5′ 11″ with my dad’s olive complexion and dark brown hair. An exotic brooding brunette–I’m NOT!

Though I did inherit Mom’s amicable nature and I love sharing time with family and good friends. Yet, I’m more like my father than my mom.

  • Mom was a “clothes horse.” She loved sleek dresses in shiny silk and fine dinners in fancy restaurants– I love an overstuffed sofa with a good movie while dressed in baggy sweat pants and loose t-shirt.
  • Mom wore petite, pink florals and swingy, circle skirts; pale lip gloss accenting a flawless Ivory complexion — I love Bold Tropical prints with a touch of dark Salmon.
  • Mom traveled throughout her retirement years, seeing every corner of the US.– I love books, curled in a cozy corner, learning about “pretend” people and places that expand who I am.

Most often– I’m quite certain Mom failed at refining me.

  • Mom’s house was always immaculate with everything in it’s place, and I did learn tidiness directly from her.

But when she came to my house, I’m not sure she approved of the fat, squashy bean bags at altered angles on the floor in front of the T.V., or the miles of cable and cords tumbling down the side of the entertainment center, necessary for netflix, wii, xbox, dvr, and other necessities that I’ve forgotten.

  • Mom always lifted an eyebrow upon entering that room, though she never spoke of it.

Above all–she was polite, She Loved Me and I was allowed to be whom I chose–even if the two of us eventually became more different than alike, she put her wishes aside and allowed me to become who I wanted to be….

Actually, I was blind to how much I was like my mother until I became her full-time caregiver.

It wasn’t until she saw me as  the “nice lady” who cooked her meals, turned down her bed, helped with her shower, buttoned her shirt, tied her shoes and applied lotion to her hands that I finally realized how much I was like my mother.

She gave me strength, wisdom, empathy, compassion, determination, stamina, the list is endless— all these things came from MY MOTHER—

Happy Mother’s Day!

 I hope you have a Blessing Journal for all he ways you love your Mom!

&

I’d love to hear a favorite story about Your Mom!

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Filed Under: Faces of Alzheimer's, Memories, The Caregiver Tagged With: Alzheimer's Mom, dementia, Inherit Alzheimers, mom, mother's day

Alzheimer’s in the White House?

01/15Leave a Comment

Alzheimer’s in the White House?

Ronald Wilson Reagan (From Wikipedia) February 6, 1911 – June 5, 2004) was an American politician, commentator, and actor, who served as the 40th President of the United Statesfrom 1981 to 1989. Prior to his presidency, he served as the 33rdGovernor of California from 1967 to 1975, following a career as an actor and union leader in Hollywood.

Ronald Reagan may also be known as one of the most notable public figures to have Alzheimer’s. Even today, there is disagreement about when his Alzheimer’s began.

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Ronald Reagan’s sons (both authors) have disputed whether Ronald Reagan had Alzheimer’s while living in the White house. After leaving office, the Reagans remained in Calif where they owned a home and visited their Ranch often.

In 1994, at the age of 83, Ronald Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and made the announcement which ended with: “I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead. Thank you, my friends. May God always bless you.“

Ronald Reagan died on June 5, 2004  at the age of 93 in his Bel Air, California home.

Reagan’s son reported that: “Father showed signs of Alzheimer’s in White House”

From CNN Reports:

Former President Ronald Reagan’s youngest son, Ron, suggests in his book that his father showed signs of Alzheimer’s disease while he was in the White House. In the book titled “My Father at 100,” which is due out next week, Ron Reagan writes, “Three years into his first term as President … I was feeling the first shivers of concern that something beyond mellowing was affecting my father.”

He writes about watching his father’s first debate with Walter Mondale, the 1984 Democratic presidential nominee.

“I began to experience the nausea of a bad dream coming true,” Ron Reagan writes. He adds: “My heart sank as he floundered his way through his responses, fumbling with his notes, uncharacteristically lost for words. He looked tired and bewildered.”

But the younger Reagan also admits, “I’ve seen no evidence that my father (or anyone else) was aware of his medical condition while he was in office.” He then questions: “Had the diagnosis been made in, say, 1987, would he have stepped down? I believe he would have.”

Former president Reagan disclosed he had Alzheimer’s disease in 1994, five years after he left the White House. Questions have been raised in the past about whether he developed the disease while he was still in office, but suggestions that he did have been widely dismissed.

In an effort to set the record straight, four of the president’s White House doctors spoke to the New York Times in 1997 to say the president didn’t show evidence of the disease until 1993 and that he was mentally sound while in office. The newspaper reported the doctors said, “they had taken the unusual step of discussing their former patient’s medical history publicly because neither they nor Mr. Reagan had covered up any illness, and because they did not want history to see them as having done so.”

Some people who served in the Reagan Administration are dismissing Ron Reagan’s new claims.

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Michael Reagan Disputes His Brother’s Statements Regarding Pres. Reagan

From PRNewswire

“Pres. Reagan championed freedom throughout the world.  He believed in the power of the people. His fundamental core beliefs about individual freedoms and liberties, and against government intrusion into the lives of citizens, were foremost on his agenda.

Michael also rebuked the assertion that his father showed signs of Alzheimer’s during his presidency.

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Both of President Ronald Reagan’s daughters also became authors.

 

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Filed Under: Faces of Alzheimer's, Memories, News Tagged With: micheal reagan, ronald reagan, whitehouse

How to explain Alzheimers and Dementia Behavior to Young Children

09/2912 Comments

Helping Young Children to understand Alzheimer’s behavior

What should you tell young children who interact with an adult relative who has Alzheiemer’s?

Young children may notice the odd behavior of a grandparent or other family member with dementia and wonder, silently, what is wrong. If no one offers an explanation that makes the situation all the more mysterious to the child.  The child may imagine the cause of the odd behavior as something much worse than what the truth actually is.
A simple and honest explanation of Alzheimers is always best. The family member with Dementia or Alzheimer’s has an illness. The illness causes odd behavior at times. But the family member is still a “loved” part of the family. They have no control over their illness. They are not able to stop it and sometimes can not control their strange behavior, either.

The child is usually accepting and relieved when he learns the truth. Very young children tend to blame themselves for everything, feeling it must be their fault. His main concerns until the situation is explained to him are:

  • 1. Did he cause the illness– No, it was not his fault
  • 2. Will he or his family get the illness– No, the illness is not “catching” like the measles

These two things of concern can be easily explained and the child’s mind will be at ease. Actually children are considerably more resilient than we might think. They are much more accepting of things beyond their control if the circumstances are explained.

They must know that the illness is not their fault and not caused by anything they may have done. And, they must surely be told that this illness is not contagious and neither their parents nor themselves will be infected with it.

Once the child is reassured of these issues, the disease of Alzheimer’s will no longer be a mystery to him, and his imagination will no longer struggle to find a reason for the strange behavior. The child can continue to play with and enjoy the presence of the family member with Alzheimer’s or Dementia with a clear understanding of the various behaviors that accompany that disease.

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Why Did Grandma Put Her Underwear in the Refrigerator?

Max Wallack’s Book is one of the best at explaining Grandma’s odd behavior while having Alzheimer’s dementia.

The small child has no clue why an elderly person may behave oddly. It’s the adult’s responsibility to explain this behavior in the best way they can.

Enough information is needed to put the child’s mind at rest, but not enough to terrify them that they will get the same disease. They didn’t cause it, and they can’t catch it!

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What’s Happening to Grandpa?Singing with Momma LouStill My GrandmaSpringbok 43-36027 Garden Helper Jigsaw Puzzle (36-Piece)Flowers for Grandpa Dan

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Filed Under: communication, EARLY STAGE, Faces of Alzheimer's, What are the Signs and Symptoms Tagged With: Alzheimer's, children, dementia, explaining behavior, young children

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