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Who takes care of the caregiver?

07/154 Comments

Who Takes Care of the Caregiver?

The unique curse of Alzheimer’s is that it ravages several victims for every brain it infects. Since it shuts down the brain very slowly, beginning with higher functions, close friends and loved ones are forced not only to witness an excruciating fade but also increasingly to step in and compensate for lost abilities. We all rely on the assistance of other people in order to live full, rich lives. A person with dementia relies increasingly–and, in the fullness of time, completely–on the care of others.

Caregivers are generally a loved one or relative of the Alzheimer’s sufferer, and as such they are overwhelmed with grief, fatigue and stress from all the chores they are expected to perform. Caregivers work all hours, go days or weeks without a break. And, the stress-induced psychological conditions they suffer can be very, very serious. One estimate has nearly half of all Alzheimer’s caregivers struggling with clinical depression. from The Forgetting by David Shenk

Caring for an Alzheimer’s patient is not the same as a regular nursing assignment. Most caregivers are inexperienced family members who are caring for someone they love without wages and few thanks. Quite often, they also  pay for much of the expense that does occur from their own pockets. Neither Medicare nor private Health Insurance covers the type of long-term care that most Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients need.

Caregivers are wives, and husbands, and daughters, and sons who bring their elderly family member into their homes and care for them out of love. The toll on the caregiver is huge. They suffer extreme fatigue, staying up all hours and going days or weeks without a break.  So please be aware of such symptoms as :

  • feeling overwhelmed
  • sleeping too much or too little
  • gaining or losing a lot of weight
  • feeling tired most of the time
  • loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
  • becoming easily irritated or angered
  • feeling constantly worried
  • often feeling sad
  • frequent headaches, bodily pain, or other physical problems
  • abuse of alcohol or drugs, including prescription drugs

To prevent such feelings while you take care of a suffering loved one, remember to take care of yourself also! Don’t dismiss your own “feelings!”

How you are feeling matters.

If you see that you’re feeling any of the things in the list above, take a problem-solving view. What can you do to make it better–

  • Recognize which problem you can do something about and which ones you can not
  • Be realistic about how much you can do
  • Forgive yourself – no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes
  • Find out which resources are available in your area-Remember the Adult Day Care Centers we discussed in the post about choosing a Nursing Home
  • And, most importantly ASK other family members for help
  • Try to create a TEAM effort from the family; perhaps rotating days of care among them to allow time off for you
  • Keep your sense of humor and find a friend you can talk to–a group meeting would be great if you have one in your area
  • Find time for a nap, hot bath, short walk, or something that makes you feel good

If your stress is not relieved by simple measures like those above, see a counselor or mental health professional

If you’re a caregiver for an Alzheimer’s Patient, I understand how you feel and realize how tiring it can become. Sometimes there are books that can be a great help. They encourage you in ways to do important things for yourself, how to accept the different role reversals that take place during care-giving situations, and much more.

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Product Description

One in four families in the U.S. is caring for parents or other senior relatives-and 72% of the primary caregivers in these families are women. This book is written for those 16 million women who are part of the “sandwich generation”-caught between the needs of their elderly relatives and their young families. These women often feel invisible, their own needs unobserved and unappreciated by those around them.

The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook not only offers practical caregiving advice for these women, but also helps them deal with the emotional concerns they face:

€ Dealing with changing parent/child roles
€ Fostering aging parents’ independence
€ Asking for, and getting, help from siblings and other family members
€ Balancing work, family, and caregiving duties
€ Finding time for themselves in the middle of it all

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The Caregiver’s Survival Handbook: How to Care for Your Aging Parent Without Losing Yourself  {Learn More}

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–  Tells us what works for you – Ask a Question – or Leave a Comment –

Filed Under: Caring for the Caregiver, The Caregiver Tagged With: Alzheimer's, care, caregiver, dementia, depression, sleep, The Forgetting

Parenting a Parent who has Alzheimer’s

06/132 Comments

Parenting a Parent

Sadly, there is no treatment that will make Alzheimer’s go away, no guarantee that some drugs will make life better or even delay symptoms. Most physicians write scripts for Aricept or similar drug should help the brain waves and delay symptoms but whether they actually do– I don’t know.

If you have a parent who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and accept the calling to become their caregiver, you will become their parent, for sure.  That’s not to say that you will treat them like a child. That is never required. But as memories fade and daily living becomes a fog in their mind, they will need you as much as any child needs their parent. 

In the earlier stages of Mom’s disease, my brothers and I thought the problem little more than bouts of forgetfulness. Unknown to us,  Mom was telling friends and neighbors who would listen how neglectful her adult children had become. We had reduced our visits to little more than several times a year, she would tell them.

Only later did I understand some of the angry stares given by her neighbors when I came to visit.

Back then, before the diagnosis, Mom still lived alone. It was not a secluded lifestyle as she resided in a senior citizen community surrounded by numerous friends. At that time, she vowed to remain independent for the remainder of her years, never to set foot in a nursing home. She took her vitamins and supplements and ate a balanced diet. Even in her 70’s, we expected her to live for many healthy years.

 Chewy Multiple Vitamins Kirkland Daily Multi Vitamin NatureWise Vitamin D3 MegaRed Omega 3 Krill Oil

As we heard the discrepancies between Mom’s view of her lifestyle and her neighbors view, we struggled  for a better way to keep a constant eye on our aging mother. Mom was nearing her eighties and as bossy as she’d ever been.

As siblings we found it daunting to “Parent our parent.” In hindsight, I can see where we allowed Mom to stay alone for too long, drive for too long, and do her own shopping for way too long.

But she was the Parent! And she didn’t let us forget it!

For all of our life our parent has been the Boss of themselves and us. Though I was 50+ and making my own choices for decades, I had never told my mother what to do.

So it’s fairly understandable that when she became so confused and unable to take care of herself, my brothers and I faltered. We were forced to become her caregiver, parent, guardian. We had to make decisions we didn’t want to make, we had to tell Mom to do things she clearly did not want to do. It is a most difficult transition to make.

In the beginning, I failed often, caved-in to Mom’s demanding tone. She spoke like my parent and looked like my “Mommy,” but her behavior was often irrational and sometimes dangerous.

Later, as Mom was less and less able to have her own way with me, she would become agitated, confrontational and depressed. It’s a difficult proposition to tell your parent they can no longer drive, shop, write checks or live alone.

The transformation from child to “Caregiver / Parent” has a period of adjustment. It’s more complicated to “parent” another adult than a child.  Yet, “time-outs” can work as well as they do for the child/parent relationship.

My parenting skills for an adult mother certainly had some rough edges in the early days of Mom’s disease. In my desperation to “parent” Mom, I laid down the law and told her how it would be. Not the best way to handle the situation I found out later!

No more driving. No more walking (she’d wandered to far once too often.) No more paying her own bills. (I was still recovering from a $300 neglected gas bill afterall.)

We both needed an attitude adjustment soon enough! It’s a harsh reality when a child parents a parent without sounding condescending. My brothers visited, but Mom stayed with me more and more often before she finally moved in and I became her full-time caregiver.

When I spoke to Mom’s doctor’s about her agitation, aggravation and constant complaint that I was “bossing” her around, his first suggestion was anti-depressants. Within a couple days, I knew I preferred mom a little agitated and cranky to the the sleeping zombie she became on anti-depressants.

The prescription for myself was a bounty of learning, learning about Alzheimer’s and Caregiving and parenting with love and kindness, even when the one being parented was my very own “parent.”

More than medication, my Mom needed constant love and supervision, healthy meals, caring love. All  things that can be done easier and soothe better than any anti-depressant:

A few Comfy Loving Treatments!

  • Smooth hand lotion on their hands and feet in a soothing massage
  • Wash their hair in a sweetly scented shampoo
  • Sit down and color a picture with them in their favorite coloring book

~~I’d love to offer Rose Milk–Does anyone besides me remember that wonderful hand lotion? It was so soft, not greasy, and kept your hands creamy soft all day long with one small swirl of  pink stuff! I’m telling my age now, I don’t think I’ve seen Rose Milk in 30 years or so, sorry to regress.

There are lots of other nice lotions, though. Try to make a point of clipping their nails regularly. Sometimes we forget and they’re difficult to clip when they’re extra long. It’s much easier if you do it on a weekly basis.

    • Create a photo album of family members in their younger years with identifying name-tags beneath each one
    • Allow them to have a discarded necklace or broach, they will cherish it –Mom had a set of beads that she wore everyday
    • The Gentlemen often like a big bulky watch – They love puzzles, (fewer pieces are better) – or any type of cards that need to be kept in order–alphabetically or numerical
    • My Mom always carried her favorite purse that held 8/10 pages of bank statements from many years ago. She would sit and shift through those pages for hours. Often during late stage Alzheimer’s or Dementia the patient may have a paranoia or suspicion that their caregiver is stealing from them; taking money, or home, or automobile or some other item that has value to them.
    • Mom’s purse full of bank statements reassured her that she was still in-charge of her own valuables, property and future. It made her happy and that’s the best part of life.
    • The new Kitty cats and Puppies that appear to breathe. The gentlemen particularly love the dogs. The ladies love lifelike baby dolls.
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 Neutrogena Hand Cream Oreo Red Velvet Cookies Sunbeam Heated Throw Non Slip Socks VersaSpray Handheld Suction Balance Assist Adjustable Shower Chair Euro Style Red Rollator

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Filed Under: Care Tips, MIDDLE STAGE, The Caregiver Tagged With: comfort care, depressed, medication, parent, treatment

A Caregiver’s Guide: “Alzheimer’s Disease – 300 Tips” : Review

06/10Leave a Comment

Review: A Caregiver’s Guide

 Alzheimer’s Disease – 300 Tips

A Caregiver's Guide to Alzheimer's Disease: 300 Tips for Making Life Easier

When you have a loved one diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, you are assaulted by questions. A Caregiver’s Guide is a necessity. I remember those days right after my Mom was diagnosed. All sorts of images bounce in your head, some are myths and some are behaviors that your loved one may or may not suffer through.

Even if the person you are caring for is not a family member or loved one, the list of questions you’ll have about their proper care are endless.

This book Alzheimer’s Disease – 300 TIPS fills in the gaps with answers to  many of the questions you will have: Written for patients, their families, and caregivers, the practical information here will help readers understand what is physically happening to the brain so they can empower their own special skills and talents throughout the disease process.

This book has sections which follow the literal progression of Alzheimer’s and the challenges any caregiver will have while caring for someone with Alzheimer’s. So you become familiar with the book right away and the passages you need most often are super easy to find.

I loved the Question and Answer format of this book. If I was in a hurry or needed a quick answer without reading an entire chapter–this book makes it easy.  Help is always at your fingertips with this Question + Answer book.

And the answers or suggestions are spot-on every time. It offers wonderful advice for an illness that can leave the caregiver totally baffled. Folks with Alzheimer’s can present odd behaviors that leave us clueless how to respond. You’ll find your way with this book and keep it at hand because you know the answer is quickly found for most all behaviors.

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 Alzheimer’s -300 Tips Kisses for Elizabeth Still Alice The 36-Hour Day

 Some Activities your loved one might enjoy!

 Summer Puzzle 36-Piece Trains shaped Puzzle 36 Piece Signal PointPuzzle 36-Piece Crocodile 36 pc Shaped nosaur Marvel Mighty Avengers Coloring Book Disney Animal Friends Cologing Book Disney Animal Friends – Coloring Book Crayola 120ct Original Crayons

Filed Under: Books Reviewed, Recommended Reading, The Caregiver Tagged With: 300 tips, Alzheimer's, behavior, Caregiver's, Caregiver's Guide, dementia, odd behavior

Memories of a Shopping Trip …or Not — When Alzheimer’s steals memories

05/072 Comments

Alzheimer’s Steals Memories

After Mom went to live at the “Group-Home” with 9 other folks who had dementia,  we continued our shopping trips as often as possible.

Shopping trips had become a tradition that Mom never remembered afterwards but we certainly enjoyed at the time. We laughed and talked and shared childhood memories; some hers, some mine. Either way, They were always new and fresh because Mom had no memory of our recent times together. I think she still remembered when I had my tonsils removed at two years old, which was 50+ years ago, and that was about as recent as her memory could get.

Our trips away from the “Group Home” generally depended on her mood. Mom took several medications, both for physical ailments and agitation induced by the affects of Alzheimers. Sometimes she felt really good and other days she dipped into sadness and depression.

On one particularly “good” day, we set off for a morning of shopping and an afternoon lunch at McDonald’s so Mom could watch the children in the “play area.” Mom’s all time favorite thing to do. On this day we’d had an exceptionally good time. Mom’s mood was jubilant and we’d laughed and chatted till our sides hurt. By the time we headed back to the Group-Home we were giggly, happy, laughing, and arguing over who got the bathroom first after our arrival.

We had been gone for more hours than usual and the last store we visited had no restroom. Now, I could only hope we both had dry pants by the time we pulled into the Mom’s driveway.

“I’m going first, Mom,” I teased feigning a serious tone, as I swung the car door open.

“Not if I beat you,” Mom grinned as mischievously as any child playing games–  We sounded more like children than Mom and daughter, both pushing the elderly category.

We laughed as we filled our arms with shopping bags, boxed Donuts, and an over-sized, Puppy with  mournful eyes that Mom could not resist. And thankfully, Mom made no attempt to out-run me as we headed toward her room.

In Mom’s suite we piled our goodies in a tall heap like icing atop her freshly-made bed.

“I beat you,” I squealed as I pushed into the bathroom first and closed the door behind me. It could not have been a sweeter day.  Mom had been free of depression or sadness for the entire day.

With relief, I washed my hands and swung the bathroom door open wide into Mom’s bright and cheery bedroom.

Mom stood facing the dresser with her back to me but her eyes staring at my reflection through the mirror from behind her. She spun around quickly with a frightened look on her face.

“What’s wrong,” I asked. Thinking surely she wouldn’t think a stranger would be entering through her bathroom. “Mom, it’s me.”

“You scared me,” she said as the dark shadow melted away and her lips finally parted in a smile. “Oh my gosh,” she said. “You scared me to death. When did you get here?”

Then she pointed to all the packages, and added, “What is all this stuff? Why did you bring me so much stuff today? I didn’t even know you were coming.  Is it my birthday?”

I felt like crying,   “No,” I said instead. “I just went shopping this morning and found a few things I thought you might like.” My smile was strained, and I felt little joy.

Inside, I wanted to cry. All the fun we’d had, all the good memories we’d shared,  such a pleasant day, a sweet memory for me but already forgotten for Mom. In her limited recollections–it never happened at all.

Sometimes great happiness can also bring deep sadness. But I still remember that day and all the fun we had. And I also remember that Mom was right there beside me, feeling and knowing the same pleasures. Now, I’m grateful for all those days we shared while we could.

No matter how deep into dementia our loved one may be, we can make many sweet memories to savor for a lifetime.

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what happens at grandma’s Tote bag Tote Bag by CafePressCafePress What Happens at Grandpa’s Large Mug Large Mug – Standard

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Filed Under: Memories, MIDDLE STAGE Tagged With: Alzheimer's Steals Memories, cognitive decline, group-home

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